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Post by silence on Jan 18, 2013 21:53:01 GMT -8
Another couple advised once "You are responsible for your own happiness." That one hits closer to the mark for me. It's a simple but important recognition. It can put an end to each partner trying to drain the other one of their life force to fill themselves up. Is co-dependency what love is all about or is that really just ego's making a contractual aggreement so long as each one's needs are met? |
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Post by Reefs on Jan 19, 2013 2:12:04 GMT -8
It's a simple but important recognition. It can put an end to each partner trying to drain the other one of their life force to fill themselves up. Is co-dependency what love is all about or is that really just ego's making a contractual agreement so long as each one's needs are met? Actually no one can drain you of your own life force. You do the draining yourself. Conditional love is exhausting. The focus is on the conditions and the goal is to make them just right so love can flourish. The approach is backwards. |
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Post by Reefs on Jan 19, 2013 3:22:13 GMT -8
I'm sure my walking is really annoying right now as it resembles someone shuffling about on thin cracking ice. 
The event this morning was the missing children's skis. uh oh. I have no memory of where I put them, if I put them somewhere. Enigma's right, this could be my own mind's conspiracy of forgetting to spark some sort of dramatic crash of the house of cards. It'll cost $60 to rent. oy vey. I'm hoping some of those blasted gnomes took 'em. If y'all don't hear from me again, my fate might be: skewered by ski pole.  Well, you've successfully joined the chain of pain at your home.  I could give you a whole bunch of A-Hicksey explanations, but given your well-known bias, I try to rephrase it a little. You are not in alignment with your Self. It's wrong time wrong place for you over and over again. So, a couple of questions for you: 1) Do you feel guilty? 2) Are you trying to avoid trouble? 3) Is what you are doing mostly what you really want to do or mostly what you have to do or should do? 4) What kind of guidance do you follow? The squeaky wheel? The Decalogue? |
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Post by enigma on Jan 19, 2013 9:28:45 GMT -8
I want to be clear I'm offering an opinion here. Generally, hormonal changes make a woman more emotionally sensitive. This heightened emotional sense can, and usually does, go both ways, but to be highly attuned and responsive on a feeling level is neither good nor bad. What makes it explosive is the dynamics that are normally more or less kept beneath the surface. Hencely, not all women will respond the same way to the same hormonal influences. To a large degree, the response is indicative of how conscious one is. Marie may be able to clarify or correct, but my experience with her during hormonal changes was that, for the most part, she remained as the observer. Not interfering with the feeling that would arise, but also not unconsciously looking for someone or something to blame. In the end, feelings are just feelings. They don't really imply somebody has done something wrong. ;D    It's a good thing you're on your own forum here where the villagers can't storm the castle! ;D Hehe. I said the same thing to Marie yesterday after she mentioned she had read the post and agrees with it. I guess there's an advantage in having my own clubhouse. ;D |
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Post by Reefs on Jan 20, 2013 20:20:47 GMT -8
Hehe. I said the same thing to Marie yesterday after she mentioned she had read the post and agrees with it. I guess there's an advantage in having my own clubhouse. ;D So, 'club' is not a bad word around herel. ;D |
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Post by enigma on Jan 20, 2013 21:15:23 GMT -8
Hehe. I said the same thing to Marie yesterday after she mentioned she had read the post and agrees with it. I guess there's an advantage in having my own clubhouse. ;D So, 'club' is not a bad word around herel. ;D I don't have any problem with it. |
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Post by jasonlynch on Jan 21, 2013 15:03:40 GMT -8
oh we gon' have some fun on this forum...ill start drafting peeps sooner than later
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Post by Reefs on Jan 21, 2013 21:05:41 GMT -8
oh we gon' have some fun on this forum...ill start drafting peeps sooner than later  |
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Post by enigma on Jan 21, 2013 22:14:32 GMT -8
oh we gon' have some fun on this forum...ill start drafting peeps sooner than later I was hoping you would. ;D |
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Post by humphrey on Jan 22, 2013 7:47:06 GMT -8
I'm totally on board with this. And it's generally what I try to do. Methinks I'm not doin something right, though, because it's challenging and sometimes a struggle. We're going to talk about the cheese incident sometime this weekend. Probably the skis caper will be thrown in there too. I want to address her concerns about being under-appreciated. Another couple advised once "You are responsible for your own happiness." That one hits closer to the mark for me. The discussion this weekend may be useful or not. I would not want to talk about cheese or skis, but I might be willing to acknowledge everything she does and listen carefully to her concerns. I might not be willing to fulfill or her needs and solve her problems, but I would be willing to understand them. The storm blew over apparently. It'll crop up again, I'm sure. I touched on it during our monthly date night but she seemed to think it was nothing. Our lives are significantly different in terms of complexity and stress -- I come to work fulltime, fulfill my work obligations more or less stress free, and steal time to seek enlightenment . When I go home I plug-in to nonestop family logistics. she works from home part-time, does most of the logistics with the kids, and generally has a stressful job with no clear physical distinctions between it and home life. Whereas I get a bit of quiet and personal space (at work) she generally gets none. The disparity causes some resentment on her part and concern on mine (I worry about her health). This is what frustrates her. I can see it. Skis are still missing.  |
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Post by humphrey on Jan 22, 2013 7:58:44 GMT -8
I'm sure my walking is really annoying right now as it resembles someone shuffling about on thin cracking ice.
The event this morning was the missing children's skis. uh oh. I have no memory of where I put them, if I put them somewhere. Enigma's right, this could be my own mind's conspiracy of forgetting to spark some sort of dramatic crash of the house of cards. It'll cost $60 to rent. oy vey. I'm hoping some of those blasted gnomes took 'em. If y'all don't hear from me again, my fate might be: skewered by ski pole. Well, you've successfully joined the chain of pain at your home. I could give you a whole bunch of A-Hicksey explanations, but given your well-known bias, I try to rephrase it a little. You are not in alignment with your Self. It's wrong time wrong place for you over and over again. So, a couple of questions for you: 1) Do you feel guilty? Occasionally -- stealing time from work to engage on forums and websurf, not working hard enough at home. Uncomfortable with procrastination and laziness sometimes. I'm generally at ease with how I interact with the world, though. This is a bit broad?? Avoiding the trouble of getting in a car accident by maintaining the brakes on the car. In marriage, I'd say no. Mostly what I have to do. Sometimes what I'd really want to do is just take a few days off and go hiking or biking alone without a map. Oftentimes I would prefer to have 'unscheduled time' where what's happening could feel more spontaneous. Maybe more time to just read, or take a long run or walk. But yes, these are personal preferences which get outweighed by family priorities. I tell myself it is a temporary phase in life, while the kids are young and their lives are dependent on parents. guidance? |
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Post by Reefs on Jan 23, 2013 0:19:12 GMT -8
Occasionally -- stealing time from work to engage on forums and websurf, not working hard enough at home. Uncomfortable with procrastination and laziness sometimes. I'm generally at ease with how I interact with the world, though. Procrastination just means your timing is off. If you would act anyway, it wouldn't turn out right-time-right-place. What makes you choose A and not B. |
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Post by humphrey on Jan 23, 2013 6:46:35 GMT -8
Occasionally -- stealing time from work to engage on forums and websurf, not working hard enough at home. Uncomfortable with procrastination and laziness sometimes. I'm generally at ease with how I interact with the world, though. Procrastination just means your timing is off. If you would act anyway, it wouldn't turn out right-time-right-place. Interesting. It does seem like stuff gets done or not. So you're saying that the discomfort with not meeting arbitrary deadlines is unnecessary? There's a perception that the discomfort motivates things getting done. A=black tea, B=green tea. What makes me choose A is a preference for stronger caffeine and flavor. What makes me choose B is caution about being cranked on caffeine at night and wanting anti-oxident blah blah bennies, etc. A=work to-do list, B=RH Forum post. What makes me choose A is a bit of guilt, some pressure to get things done, a desire to help out others, retaining steady employment, desire to do good quality work.... What makes me choose B is curiosity, interest, perhaps avoidance of A (see procrastination). |
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Post by Reefs on Jan 23, 2013 9:05:30 GMT -8
Interesting. It does seem like stuff gets done or not. So you're saying that the discomfort with not meeting arbitrary deadlines is unnecessary? There's a perception that the discomfort motivates things getting done. There are things you just have to do, like giving your kids something to eat or show up at work. It doesn't matter what you do, what counts is how you do it. It is important to know the difference between inspired action and motivated action. Sounds like overthinking. |
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Post by humphrey on Jan 23, 2013 9:23:49 GMT -8
Interesting. It does seem like stuff gets done or not. So you're saying that the discomfort with not meeting arbitrary deadlines is unnecessary? There's a perception that the discomfort motivates things getting done. There are things you just have to do, like giving your kids something to eat or show up at work. It doesn't matter what you do, what counts is how you do it. It is important to know the difference between inspired action and motivated action. Motivated action is like this: I'm writing a response to you to based on the stimulus of your comment/post. Inspired action is like this: [waiting...] When Chuck Forman deeked a defender, they saw the mirror image of his jersey numbers, as in the double p in Happiness at the top of this forum. Perhaps a perceptual distress signal. You're probably right about that. These are after-the-fact descriptions of the what could have motivated the choice of one thing over another. The in-the-moment choice is usually much less verbose. Sorta like whether I end the sentence now or now. |
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